A year ago today, I became a man. I was reborn. I was saved.
God spared me another year of being in a body that I so desperately wanted to
get out of, by sending lots of human support to help me accomplish it.
I am at peace for the first time in my life. Sometimes it is
scary because of all the changes. I do not have a role model to teach me to
shave, put on a tie. I look to YouTube for that. Even my paintings have
shifted; there are no more shadows lingering in them. I am free to be me… I feel like Leonardo DeCaprio
on the bow of the Titanic.
I am still changing every day. New hair growth, new muscles
I did not have before that are more toned. My hairline is slightly receding,
voice cracking lower. I was an alto, and now I am a baritone. No more
hips. But the best thing is I have a man’s
chest. I have someone who can lie on my chest for the first time and I am
proud. I actually cried and it took my breath away and then I breathed really
deep the first time. I know it does not make much sense to someone who hasn’t
been through it.
A lot of you felt that my former self died. Unfortunately
that was just a shell for me. I was like Pinocchio where I really wanted to be
set free like the real boy inside him. I could never understand the pain I had
watching that movie. I felt his pain and his torture, because I also felt
betrayed and frustrated by my own body. Well, no longer: I am free. On May 15
2014 I was re-born, now in the right body.
When I woke up from surgery, the first thing I did was ask
if I could see Susan and my sister. I was hungry and wanted to go eat lunch, so
we did. The next day we went grocery shopping and I walked about a mile. I felt
so free of everything. I had drains -- tubes coming out of me that had to be
emptied -- but that did not stop me. I felt more grounded and in my body than I
ever had.
My doctor called the night of my surgery and I said he was
like the Blue Fairy who made Pinocchio’s dream come true. I thanked him for making me the man I always
wanted to be, with happy tears of gratitude and joy in my eyes.
So when people on the street that are Christian ask me if I
have been saved, I say “Yes, yes I have.” I was once a man trapped in the body
that I never thought was mine. Now I
am free as a bird in flight and ready to be the Master healer, massage
therapist, and artist I was meant to be.
I would like to personally thank everyone who helped this to
happen: all at The Bag Lady who came to my fundraiser and donated money, worked
at the fundraiser by volunteering their time, all who sent healing energy
before during and after my surgery, and all who gave me strength to carry on
with my journey by sending cards and spending time with me. Most of all Susan who was my rock during all
of this, and is still my rock. (an apophyllite haha) Thank you all from the
bottom of my heart.
